I’m not a big music person despite the fact that I tended to date musicians…and marry one. I do like music. I’m not very musical and therefore not very confident in my music selection sometimes. Of course, like all people, music does take me back to times past. This morning I turned on some music hidden away in our music files that reminded me of quiet times in high school. Jeremy commented that it was terrible and I responded that the lyrics were good and it somehow made me feel peaceful and joyful.
In high school I went through a Christian-only music phase (except for maybe a renegade Ricky Martin CD or two!). A little narrow, but probably not a bad thing for me at the time. Really my whole life was mostly Christian music for a long time. My first CD was Amy Grant’s Collection and my second was DC Talk’s Nu Thang 🙂 After high school however I branched out a bit. Moving to Texas I did open myself up to country music. Later I realized how much I liked angry girl music…music I still listened to frequently much to Jeremy’s chagrin (except for Pink…I think he likes Pink). And now I have kids. One day while blaring Avril in my car with my little one in the backseat I realized I might need to think about switching to music that doesn’t occasionally slip the f-bomb in there.
So I now listen to Christian radio in the car…unless the music stops because I still can’t handle listening to their djs talk. In the morning when I get ready I have a Christian station on Pandora and I am coming to like it. And sometimes the song lyrics speak right to my heart. Despite it being my first CD I have not listened to Amy Grant since her House of Love CD (except for Christmas, my family always listens to her Christmas album, I guess it’s nostalgic), but she has a song out now entitled “Better than a Hallelujah”. The first couple of lines make me cry every time…
“God loves a lullaby
In a mother’s tears in the dead of night
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes”
I know it’s my stage of life. I know that those lyrics speak to my heart because it’s happened so many times in the last two and a half years, but it’s beautiful to my heart to hear.
In church a couple of weeks ago I was really struggling. We sang “Forever Reign” by Hillsong . At the end of the song it says
“You are God You are God
Of all else I’m letting go”
Yep. “Of all else I’m letting go.” It needs to be my mantra. Enough said.
And finally Josh Wilson’s “Carry Me”.
“Carry me, carry me, carry me now
From my sinking sand to Your solid ground
The only way I’m ever gonna make it out
Is if you carry me, carry me, carry me now
God carry me, carry me, carry me now”
There are many times in my life when I could have sang those words but motherhood has longed for them the most. So tired. So routine. So much to do. So tired. I love being a mom. I’m so thankful I get to stay home with my girls. I love them so much. But sometimes “God carry me now” is all I can bring myself to say.
It’s these songs that have been running through my head and my heart the last couple of weeks. And they help. Sometimes when I am by myself I turn up the speakers and blast some girls’ screaming angry voice, but sometimes now I catch myself searching for something that will make me pray while I drive, something that will bring me peace.
Do you have any songs right now that are bringing you peace?