Wednesday – Blah!

Well, friends, not much to say other than I have been feeling very tired and overwhelmed. Yesterday I sat at work (before anyone else had arrived) and was thinking through all the things I needed to do, some of which I feel highly inadequate to even be thinking about doing them. With all the craziness that has been going on for our Bible Clubs last week, I’ve had little time to do anything else. For example, I still have not closed out the books for the month of June…yes, it’s the middle of July. So yesterday I made my 2nd attempt at trying to do this on my own. First attempt was rather disastrous but not really my fault…this second attempt felt equally disastrous in my mind. And that is why when Jeremy called me at work I immediately burst into tears. I just sat at my desk sobbing. (for those of you that don’t know, my job recently changed quite a bit. On top of what I was doing before, I know have taken on all the finance/bookeeping crap. So as hard as it is to learn someone else’s job in a short period of time, let’s be honest numbers and money and accounts and taxes are so not my thing…so pretty much, most days, I’m hating my job). Anyway, I finally pulled myself together and sat down at the computer to dive into pulling up the online contributions for the month of June and the user name and password that I had written down form our previous bookkeeper would not work. So I started to cry again (apparently I was feeling very emotional), had to call the customer service people for that site and tried not to cry on the phone, although I’m sure it was painfully obvious (noted in the voice of the poor customer service rep), they got me all fixed up and I powered on. As with last month we have had several things come up that when I call the previous bookkeeper to ask a question, the reply was “That never happened while I was there” – of course! story of my life.

Needless to say, I was somewhat emotionally exhausted by the time I got home and feeling like I had accomplished very little at work (since I tried so hard and in the end had to call the previous bookeeper who offered to come in today to help me figure out this mess). I made dinner and then pretty much laid on the couch the rest of the night, took a bath, read a book, and went to bed. I had big plans to start packing for my trip to Mexico and go to Target to get some much needed traveling supplies – but I didn’t I was lazy and accomplished even less at home that I did at work! Obviously I’m feeling a little frustrated this morning.

So, in an attempt to make myself laugh, I listened to Brian Reaganon my Ipod on my way to work this morning (which I was a half hour late for) and did find myself laughing quite a bit in the car…that seemed to help…until I got to work and had 20 e-mails (ok 4) about these stupid bus tickets I’m apparently supposed to be purchasing for our trip to Mexico-blah!!!!!

Oh well, so tonight when I get home I need to make an attempt to be a little more productive and a little less lazy, sad, depressed, discontent, boring, blah, and generally negative. If this post brings you down, I’m sorry, go watch Brian Reagan on YouTube and feel better…for a little bit anyway…until you get to work…and are reminded that work is often what makes you feel so sad…but really you should be thankful for it because it could be so much worse…and then you just feel more sad because you’ve failed once again at being grateful for the things and life God has so graciously given you…and because you are clearly on a vicious negative cycle…now I kind of want to cry again – dumb emotions!

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