The Ache of Motherhood

I have heard it said that having a child is like having your heart walk around outside of your body. How a mother aches to protect her child. And yet all the while, from infancy to adulthood, a good mother is training her child to move ever more away from her, to need her less and less. Mothers love and long for their children. Their hearts ache for them, over them. A woman bleeds when she gives birth, but that is only the beginning of the bleeding. A heart enlarged by all a mother endures with and through her child’s life, all a mother prays and works and hopes for on her child’s behalf bleeds too. – Captivating, 175-176

I recently finished reading the book Captivating (I know I’m about 10 years late on this one). This quote was in there within the chapter on Mothers and Daughters and I felt like it describes a little bit of how I feel. I love my husband so much, but my love for him is so different from my love for my girls. It really does feel like my heart is walking around outside of my body. I’m not a natural worrier, but I do worry about them. I have to use real discipline to not worry all the time. If it’s hard for me to let them live life right now when they are so little I can’t imagine watching them do dumb things when they are teens or adults…Is this how you feel too?

Pinned It, (Over) Did It! Dried Strawberries

We had most of a pint of strawberries left over and I didn’t think we would get through eating them before they went bad. I remembered a pin I had seen and wanted to try out some dried strawberries. I quartered them because I wanted to make sure they were small enough for Capri…that was my downfall. Apparently they were too small and I burnt them. Maybe I wouldn’t have burnt them if I had checked on them but I totally forgot about them! My sweet friend, Laura, came by to drop off a book and my timer started going off. She asked if I needed to get it and I looked at her and said, “I have no idea what that timer is for!” Turns out…I should have only halved my strawberries and checked them before the 3 hours were up! Oh well…another time perhaps!

Gentleness with our Littles

It’s late. It’s been a long day. It’s been a long couple of weeks. After Christmas the girls and I got sick. That knocked us out for a little over a week and then it has taken even more time to reset and return to routine. Colette stopped taking her pacifier while she was sick and now my wonderful sleeper is learning how to fall asleep on her own again. Also the sickness got her in the habit of waking up every couple hours so she isn’t sleeping through the night anymore. Capri has also struggled to return to normal and she hasn’t been sleeping well either. Whether it’s not going to sleep or waking up in the middle of the night. So it’s been a struggle. I’m tired. Every night my prayer is, “please, Lord, let them fall asleep quickly and stay asleep all night…but if that isn’t your will for me, give me strength, patience, grace.” I’ll admit to some moments of frustration. Maybe some unsavory words have slipped out in the wee hours of the night when I’ve gotten out of bed. again. But overall I’ve really felt God’s presence with me. I certainly have received a measure of strength and even joy that is not from myself. God is good. This parent thing is hard, but God is good.

I read this short post by Sarah Bessey. I read it at 10 pm after having put both girls to bed 3 different times. God knew I needed it. I want to show that gentleness to my girls. I want to show them Jesus -  even at 3 in the morning.

14 Days of Love!

I hesitate to post this and it’s totally an insecurity issue on my part. I had planned on doing this for a while and then I had a friend make a comment after a recent mom’s meeting to me. She was teasing me and being funny and I wasn’t offended at all (so if you’re reading this, don’t worry about it – I’m fine!), but it totally sparked some weird insecurity in me. The comment was about crafting with toddlers. A joke had been made at our mom’s meeting and I guess some of the girls at her table had mentioned my facebook posts about our 25 days of advent and she jokingly told me that they ‘cursed’ me and my crafts. I laughed and it was funny, but it totally made me feel insecure! It happens. It especially happens for me around other women, but I’m not alone in that right? Just because my mind went crazy with, ‘OMG! They were talking about me! It doesn’t sound like they like me! Are my facebook posts annoying? I haven’t posted anything in a month and I’m still annoying them! What’s wrong with me?  Should I apologize? Should I put some sort of disclaimer with any crafty pictures saying how it only occupied her for a total of 3 minutes and ended with a crazy temper tantrum on the floor and a huge mess for me to clean up that I only did a half-ass job of cleaning up because let’s face it, my house is always dirty?’ You get it, I have issues.

What was I talking about? Oh right, 14 days of Love. I totally love Valentine’s Day! Which is kind of weird because my birthday is the day before and I always felt like Valentine’s day kind of stole my thunder. However, I still love Valentine’s Day. I kind of have some things on my plate right now. I’m hosting a baby shower in a couple of days and Capri’s 2nd birthday is the right before Valentine’s day, but I loved our advent activities so much that I really wanted to do another mini version for Valentine’s Day!

Luckily we have pinterest! For real, what was my life before Pinterest? So I had a myriad of Valentine’s crafts and activities at my disposal. I’ve picked out 14 for us to do  with a few substitutes for days that it’s just not going to happen (because we have those days and on those days…we’ll go get a cake pop from Starbucks!). Here is my plan! We’d love for you to join us for 1 or 14 days! Let me know if you do!

For a visual of my plan, check out my Pinterest Board! Note: I’ve already made some changes so it might not be exactly the same.

Day 1 – Make a Valentine’s Day garland for our fireplace. I saw this one on etsy and am going to make a similar one! I think I may also add numbers or something…Mostly I will be doing this but I plan to have Capri ‘crafting’ right alongside me!

Day 2 – Some days you need something simple so…a printable Valentine’s angel! She has some other great stuff on her blog (including Bunnyfur, who we love!)

Day 3 – Paint by number. I got this at Party City.

Day 4 – Sugared marshmallow pops…because they were a huge hit during our Christmas advent!

Day 5 – Decorate Valentine’s cookies. We tried this for both Thanksgiving and Christmas with mild success…I’m just going to keep trying because I have cute Valentine’s sprinkles to use!

Day 6 – Little heart pillows. We’re going to sew up some little heart-shaped pillows and I’m going to see if Capri will help me stuff them…

Day 7 – Sweet Heart Rice Krispy Treats. And we’ve never made rice krispy treats before so I think it will be fun!

Day 8 – Button hearts. We glued buttons on felt trees at Christmas and it was a big hit so we’re pretty much going to do the same thing here.

Day 9 – Wood craft kit – I bought a little wooden coloring craft kit at Hobby Lobby – another easy one! (don’t know if this will really happen that day because it’s the day of her birthday party!)

Day 10 – Foam craft kit. Another one from Hobby Lobby. They had a bunch and I haven’t actually purchased one yet…

Day 11 – Toilet paper roll painting. I’ve seen this everywhere, but the kid in the picture looks so clean…my hopes are not that high

Day 12 – Make Dad a Valentine. paper, doillies, markers, stickers…that’s it!

Day 13 – Make cupcakes. I have a little set of Valentine’s cupcake liners and toppers so we’ll make some for Dad to take to work!

Day 14 – Valentines Day Basket. I’m thinking like a little easter basket but with some little Valentine goodies. I’m going to use  this printable for the basket!

Oh and alternates! Because some times your best intentions just don’t happen…

Alternate 1 – Starbucks cake pops! (this may have to happen no matter what…maybe no the 11th because that’s her actually bday)

Alternate 2 – Heart stickers…because you can’t go wrong with a toddler and a page full of stickers! I got a box of 1000 Valentine stickers at Party City for $1.99!

Alternate 3 – Candy…yep just give her some candy!

Special Memories – A Mickey Mouse Mug

You see this mug? It’s not mine. It’s a picture of a mug that I found on esty. Why did I look for this picture? Because I used to have this mug and today it broke. You may think that this is a funny thing to hold on to for years…and it really has been years. They Etsy listing posted it as ‘vintage 1987′, which is probably the year I got it. It’s a silly mug but I’ve kept it for a long time. The other side has Mickey on it and it says ‘Happy Birthday.’ You see, my dad got me this mug. The memory is a little foggy but it is such a sweet memory that it makes me feel warm inside ever time I look at this mug. My birthday is the day before Valentine’s Day so I remember my dad coming home with this mug for me and a Valentine’s Day mug for my mom (deeply sorry I was not able to find a picture of hers). Who knows what my mom thought of my dad bringing her a Mickey Mouse mug for Valentine’s day, but my dad bringing me that special gift meant so much to me. And I think I loved that my mom had a ‘matching’ one!  It meant so much to me that I have been drinking out of it for 26 years! All through my childhood, high school, I took it to college with me and even now, married with kids I would drink from it and little Capri would point and shout “Mickey Mouse!”

Making memories with our kids is so important and sometimes it can be so easy. It’s doing the special things. It’s taking the time to do something a little out of the ordinary. It doesn’t have to be an actual gift like this was. It could be taking the time to have a tea party or build a fort or go on a treasure hunt. Those memories are special. This memory to me said that my dad loved me, thought about me, and wanted to give me something special. I’m sure there were other crazy psychological things going on that stamped this in my memory…perhaps the fact that this mug is from 1987 and he gave it to me in February just one month after my little brother was born – I have feeling I was needing a little extra love and attention!

So I’m especially sad that this little mug is gone (although Jeremy probably isn’t since he has asked me more than once why I still have it!). However, it has reminded me 1) how much I love my dad! and 2) I want to be looking for ways to make special memories for my kids!

Do you have any special memories like this or little mementos that you have kept for years? What are some things you are doing with your kids to make fun memories?

Thoughts on the January Quiet

So I’m ending my ‘social media fast’ a few days early. I’ve joined up with some friends to participate in the HelloMornings Challenge, which involves facebook to some degree so for better or worse I’m back.

This was totally harder than I thought it was going to be…

For the first week, maybe more, I caught myself crafting a facebook post in my head about almost everything I did! I didn’t know I did that but it became pretty clear when I was constantly reminding myself that I was not going to post! Yikes! So that said some things to me – 1) Ellie, what is it you want people to perceive you as that you are so caught up in posting about your life? 2) I complain A LOT! Half the time I wanted to post something it was a complaint – yuck! (So sorry to those of you that have to read my posts…feel free to hide me!)

I felt kind of disconnected to the world. I never knew what was going with people. And I missed that, but to be honest I didn’t miss it as much as I clearly missed me on facebook. Yes, it was not a pretty picture when I discovered mostly I missed talking about myself (says the girl writing a blog post about herself…hmmm). I read an article recently that I wish I could cite but I can’t find it. It said something about how the new generation is so self focused and one of the reasons is because of social media and how we think everything revolves around us and we share everything with everyone and people ‘like’ us and ‘friend’ us or whatever – not just the new generation. It’s attacked me as well!

Yuck. That’s how I feel. Because as I’m writing this I am seeing even more clearly my own sickness.

I’m not sure what I’m going to do about it. Because I don’t really want to get rid of facebook…I’m not there yet. I still enjoy it. I still want to share my life with people and I really do enjoying sharing other people’s lives with them through pictures and posts. But I feel like I need to follow up with something…Some ideas – a monthly 1 week social media time out (I’m not sure I like the word ‘fast’ for this), maybe some new boundaries like ‘no complaining’ or don’t be on your phone on facebook when you are with your kids or around people in general. I don’t know.

So I started writing this post with a couple of harmless observations but as I’ve written more I see I’m clearly in deeper than I thought that I was. What are your thoughts on the use of social media? How has it affected your life? I’m I the only crazy out there that loves to feel like I’m getting extra attention (even though I might not actually be)?

Oh, on a positive note. I pared down my blog reader and have continued reading blogs and have enjoyed it so much more. Fewer blogs but the ones I actually like. That was a good thing!

A New Direction in 2013

This blog started with my need for a creative outlet. Somewhere to be creative and somewhere to share creativity. My blogging has come and gone in waves. The kinds of posts have changed many times. For a while I even stopped blogging all together for several months. It’s always annoyed me that I haven’t had a lot of direction here. I feel like I want more focus.

I’ve had a lot of changes this last year, but there has been a major shift for me in one big way. There is more than one thing that has contributed to this. Not working outside our home is certainly one of them – my stress level has gone WAY down. Colette has been a joy of a baby. Maybe I’m more confident maybe I’ve just grown more patience, maybe she really is just an amazing little peanut! but being Colette’s mom has shown me a different side of parenting. Capri is older now. She is so fun! Parenting with her has moved from the pure physicality of parenting an infant to the fun and craziness of parenting a toddler. Sometimes she kills me and I have to take many deep breaths, but really it’s opened up a new wonderful world of parenting to me.

That said, I think I would like to move this blog in a direction more focused on parenting. If you are sighing and this is making you annoyed in some way, that’s ok. I even think I understand where you are coming from. For me it doesn’t mean that being a mom is all that I am, but right now, in this stage of my life, it’s a big part of who I am. That used to be scary, but let me tell you, I’m loving it. I finally feel like I’m doing what I was meant to do! So yes, ‘mommyhood’ is going to take over this blog and if that is bothersome to you, it won’t offend me if you delete me from your reader. I get it. Not everyone is in this place, but I am and it’s where I want to be.

I will still share recipes and things that I’m reading and really whatever else I want to – after all, it’s my blog. The posts will more often focus on kids. Stuff I’m going through, asking your advice. Stuff we’re doing and how it’s going. Sharing and encouraging. Being a mom is awesome. It’s also freaking hard! I like to read blogs that share the struggles but also offer a lot of encouragement for the road and I want to be like that!

I’m looking forward to this new year. I know it’s going to bring lots of growth and humility, but I also believe it will bring lots of joy!

New Year’s Resolutions

I’m not super into New Year’s Resolutions…although you would think that I would be since I love lists and checking things off of them. I love goals and charts and always have. Maybe you remember this ambitious list from a few years ago…yeah that didn’t last super long as I got pregnant and was sick and then had a baby and then had another baby and well, things change. I don’t have  along list for this year. In fact I’m just going to do one thing, or remove one thing for a little while.

For the month of January I’m scaling back my computer time. No facebook. No instagram. Minimal Pinterest (I’ve decided I need it to help plan a baby shower and a birthday party and since I’m still nursing at night I’m allowed to browse then since I need something that is mindless enough to be able to do in the middle of the night but still keep me semi-conscious at the same time!). Less blog reading – Half the time I’m overwhelmed when I open my blog reader and end up just marking most of the items as read. I went through and deleted a bunch of blogs and then moved some to a ‘is it a keeper?’ folder. I will only be reading a smaller selection – those written by friends, those that are really encouraging to me, and a handful that are creatively inspiring. No blogging (yep, I’m not going to blog in January…not that I have done it all that much recently).

And that’s it. That’s my resolution. It’s just for a month but I’m looking at it as a little social media detox. I feel like I can fall into the trap that most people fall into with social media – I compare myself with everybody (either I feel depressed that I’m not good enough or I’m prideful that I’m better than others) or I get all judgy-judgerson about people (not a good character quality). And it sucks away my time.

With that said, I wish you a happy new year! I will see you in February!

Advent Week 3

Day 17 – I used this link for Marshmallow Pops.  So easy and they look so fun! A definite addition to future birthdays and other parties! Capri loved helping ‘make’ these and of course she loved eating them as well! Essentially a marshmallow covered in sugar – what’s not to like?

Day 18 – Puppy Treats. What a great activity! It was super easy and then we had these great dog treats! Capri’s friend Harper was over so they both made them together for their dogs, Turner and Mason. Capri kept eating the batter…(pumpkin and parsley don’t sound awesome to me but whatever). Harper was really into using the cookie cutter. Overall a success! I think we’ll be making these again. I think is a great recipe but there are a lot of them out there so we might try some other ones. I got the dog biscuit cookie cutter from Hobby Lobby for 75 cents!

Day 19 – Snowflakes with Glitter. So we didn’t actually really end up painting our snowflakes…we really just ended up painting, but that was a big hit! I had bought a pack of glitter paints on clearance forever ago and this was the first time we broke them out. I had put a big sheet of paper underneath the snowflake and we ended up painting that. When it dried I hung it up in her room. She talks about it every day. I thinking we need to do more painting!

Day 20 – Christmas Cookies with friends. So fun to decorate Christmas cookies and even more when we do it with friends. Capri didn’t get a lot of decorating done but she did eat some cookies and a lot of sprinkes! She also got in some good play time with her friend Ella and I got some time in with Ella’s mom, Heather!

Day 21 – Peppermint Marshmallows. So this was one of those activities that I pinned on Pinterest but didn’t actually go to the link…so when I went to look at the recipe so I could buy the ingredients I realized the link was to an etsy page! Luckily I found this Peppermint Marshmallow recipe from Betty Crocker and it was simple and turned out great! I am looking forward to making homemade marshmallows again sometime! I actually made them myself without Capri and then the next day after they had set she helped me roll them in powdered sugar. And then we proceeded to make cornbread and caramel corn so we got lots of good cooking time in that day in preparation for Christmas!

Day 22 – Christmas Pajamas. I love pajamas for myself and you really can’t have too many pajamas for kids (in my opinion). Jeremy and I went to Carter’s and picked these wintery pjs out for the girls. Capri got this one and Colette got this one.  I had wanted to get coordinating ones but I couldn’t find the right size/combo but these are still fun!

Day 23 – Stockings. As part of our advent pockets growing up we always went on a treasure hunt for our stockings on Christmas morning. This year my mom made a simple treasure hunt for Capri and my brother’s girlfriend’s son who was also with us. They were so cute on their little hunt for their stockings!

Day 24 -Bear Stays Up for Christmas . This is the Christmas book we purchased this year. Super cute!

Day 25 – Go to Grammie and Pappa Neill’s. Pretty self-explanatory. We went to Jeremy’s family’s house for Christmas day and had a lovely time!

And with that it’s all over…I had so much fun! And it helped me to have at least one thing planned for every day. I’m thinking about doing it for a few other holidays…we shall see!

Advent Week 2

Let me just begin by saying that I am loving The Jesus Storybook Bible. I tear up almost every day when I read it and Capri doesn’t quite know what to do about it! She loves hearing the stories too. She even brings it to me and says “read Bible!” So that’s been a big hit. Overall I am really enjoying doing the advent. I think I might be enjoying it more than Capri is! I love that we have something new to do every day. It is also making me love being a mom right now as she experiences all these new things and as I take the time to do these things with her!

Day 8 – Marshmallow Snowmen – This was not wholly successful. I didn’t actually have all the supplies that I should have had and it really ended up being “Capri eats marshmallows and caramel filled kisses” not make snowmen…

Day 9 – Paint with Water craft. I picked this up at Target for $1. It was a little gingerbread man/house and you just paint with water and the colors show up. Also not super successful – she wasn’t into it for very long

Day 10 – Make apple cinnamon muffins in snowman muffin cups! This was not what I had planned on for the day, but sometimes you have to improvise! I got these little snowman muffin cups years ago and finally had a reason to use them! (Like that little sweater? It was mine when I was little!)

Day 11 – Little felt trees. I was inspired by this post I saw on pinterest. I cut the trees out from my leftover felt from the other felt tree I made and then glued a felt star on top. I used some rick rack scraps as garland just to add a little something. I had a bag of buttons that I’m pretty sure I’ve had since grade school and we glued them on. It was a fun activity and now it’s hanging on the fridge!

Day 12 – The Sweet Smell of Christmas. My mom got this book for Capri last year. It was a favorite growing up and I still love reading it today. I wanted to do this activity with it but decided that after the paint with water disinterest I would wait until next year.

Day 13 – Share a Starbucks Peppermint Cake Pop with Mom! I had originally planned on a Starbucks outing but that did not work on this day…both girls fell asleep in the car and I decided to just go through the drive-thru, get a cake pop to share, and go home. I think it was just as good!

Day 14 – Santa Lost His Beard! Can you help glue it back on? I was inspired by this post and used her printout. Unfortunately we were having a rough day and soon after I took this picture she threw it all onto the floor while screaming…and that was the end of that!

Day 15 – Christmas Activity Book. I this up at Target. We really can’t have too many coloring books in our house – we color a lot! And Capri is a bit obsessed with snowmen so it has been fun to color them!

Day 16 – A holiday Bearista. Several years ago I saw the holiday Bearistas at Starbucks and thought how fun it would be to get them for my future kids…So this year I decided that I would budget in the money to buy the $15 bear for one of our advent days. I think it might be fun to get one every year and have a little Christmas bear collection…we’ll see how it goes in future years. Maybe one for each child will be enough. Anyway, note to self for next year – buy it when you see it the first time! I went to 3 stores and called several more before I was able to actually get one on the day that I went to buy it. And I just looked on the online store to link to it and as it turns out they don’t have them online anymore either! I think they are super cute and Capri really loves hers!